i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
