I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize