so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you made out with another girl for some wings
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
