There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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