I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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