dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
