I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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