just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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