how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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