Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
