That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
