Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
