I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize