instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
