Just fell off a train. Bad.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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