Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
