you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
