Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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