worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
