While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
