so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize