she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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