On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
