All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
