I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There's always time for handjobs
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
