I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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