Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
