mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
