I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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