I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
