did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
