I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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