one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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