my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
