I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
