You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
