omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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