i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
