we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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