I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize