If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
