I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
