More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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