i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
