I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're like the curious george of whores
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
