fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
