the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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