I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
