Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
