Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no you cant smoke seaweed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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