Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
