Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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