last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
