Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
