I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
