Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
