Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
