i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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