you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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