To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
