You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
