I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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